Can You Say Awkward…

This story begins as any normal shift does, popping bottles and mixing alcoholic beverages.  On this particular day we offered $1 beer and a $2.75 vodka special.  So of course this draws a crowd of people mostly of who are cheap and get there $1 beer and leave.  I love the people who have five friends all of whom order a $1 beer and say “Oh don’t worry guys I got this round.”  But this isn’t about those people, this is about one particular person who changed the course of the night.

This woman, we’ll call her Sally, Sally came and ordered a $1 beer as everyone else did.  As the night progressed and the $1 beers added up, she upped the ante and began doing shots.  All the while never ordering from anyone other than me.  By the end of the night I guess she had built up courage through drinking and decided to give me her number.  As with any other drunk girls number I decided to trash it.  Not because she was ugly (she was fairly attractive) but because I figured she gave it to me because the alcohol told her to.  This my friends is how the story begins.

So the following week we ran the same special and of course brought in similar faces.  One of which I could have done without seeing, oh yes you guessed right, Sally.  Sally came in and I had to think quickly because I threw away her number and never contacted her.  Sally, as I expected said,”I’m so embarrassed because I gave you my number last week.”  So me trying to let her down easy I said, “Oh its fine, you know what, someone threw away your number and I don’t have it anymore.”  In hopes that my excuse would work, I was not prepared for what she said next.  “So do you want me to give it to you again?”  Can You Say Awkward…  So of course not wanting to hurt her feelings I said, “Sure” after a long pause while trying to think of a better answer.  What do you think I did with it this time?  I kept it! At least until the end of the night and it ended up the same place as the last one.  But that’s the beginning of the awkwardness (if that’s really a word), after while she was intoxicated again and what came next I absolutely was not ready for.  While making a drink she was aimlessly staring as if watching a intense movie and from nowhere decide to say, “Oh my gosh, you’re so cute, I just want to kiss you.” Can You Say Awkward…Again.   I damn near spilled the drink in complete shock and embarrassment.  I’ve never been in that situation before and I’ve heard plenty of wild things but this was a first. How do you respond to that? So I said what any person in an awkward position would say, “Thank you?”  I had no other idea how to respond.

Later that night I was outside the establishment conversating with a fellow coworker about Sally.  Lo and behold who comes outside, Sally.  To make a long story short, she wraps her arms around my waist to give me a hug and ask if I’m going to call her.  I guess I didn’t respond fast enough because she grabbed my hair and gave it a gentle tug to induce a faster answer.  Can You Say Awkward…Again².  In the midst of an uncomfortable position I said what any normal person would say, “Of course.”

If you have ever been Sally (male or female) just know that it puts us in an awkward position when you give us your number (especially if we don’t call you).

These stories are real accounts, so if you plan to drink and have a good time do so responsibly. Remember to call a cab or a friend because the cost of a DWI is way more than a $20 cab ride home.  Also, if you plan or happen to take someone home use protection.  For two reasons, one there are many STD’s floating out there and it only takes one to ruin your life or that of others.  The second reason is because a $3 condom is less expensive then 18 years of raising a child.

Real Life Dr. Jekyll and Mrs. Hyde

One thing that I do enjoy is watching the transition of people from when they’re sober to intoxicated.  For some people it’s like a Dr. Jekyll transformation.  They begin the evening pleasant and humble, but by the end of the night they are disturbing and annoying.  These transitions are however different for men and women.  Most men end up the same, they get louder and for some reason think they are more macho.  So here come the chest bumping, fist pounding, childish actions like bottle tapping and a bunch of other things that annoy everyone around them.  But then there’s that guy that gets touchy feely with every female around (I’m sure some women reading this have had an experience with this guy).  He thinks that because he has had a few too many, that he has the right to touch women in places that he may not normally.  So here come the butt grabbing, breast rubbing, arm caressing and any other touch that is unwelcome by the estranged woman.

For women, well they have a few different transitions.  The first I like to call Sloppy Sue.  She is the woman who truly doesn’t know her limits, and drinks until she has to be carried out by her friends or male counterpart (Hopefully she knows him).  Then there is Flirty Fran.  Flirty Fran is the woman who thinks every male in the establishment is fair game.  She flirts, smiles, and bats her eyes to any suspecting male usually for a free drink.  One of my favorites is Make out Mary.  She is the woman who doesn’t mind making out with complete strangers.  She is one who thinks that the alcohol will kill the Mononucleosis (Mono) or herpes that she may get from doing so.  She also is the woman who makes out with her male counterpart (known or unknown) for extended periods of time in the middle of a public establishment.  What she doesn’t understand is that no one wants to see that sloppy make out session.  It’s ok to show public affection, but Make out Mary usually takes this to the extreme.  The last one I like to call Embarrassing Emily.  She is the woman who goes from someone you took out, to someone you want to leave.  After while she becomes loud, obnoxious, and just plain embarrassing.  She is the woman that you have to constantly apologize for her actions.  Embarrassing Emily is also the one who blows your high and ruins your night.  She will break a friendship after only one outing with her.

These are the transitions of people that I’ve noticed as a bartender.  So the next time you’re out with your friends see if you can pick out these personalities.  If you can’t you’re probably one of them.

These stories are real accounts, so if you plan to drink and have a good time do so responsibly. Remember to call a cab or a friend because the cost of a DWI is way more than a $20 cab ride home.  Also, if you plan or happen to take someone home use protection.  For two reasons, one there are many STD’s floating out there and it only takes one to ruin your life or that of others.  The second reason is because a $3 condom is less expensive then 18 years of raising a child.