Yummy Man

It never ceases to amaze me that people say some of the craziest things when they’re intoxicated.  I will provide a disclaimer that this story contains somewhat vulgar language, it’s because I’m quoting exactly what this particular woman said.  On that note this story involves an older woman and her lady friend.  I had seen these women before and their faces looked familiar. 

Towards the end of the night they came to me for some shots.  I forget what exactly they ordered, it was probably a woo woo or something girly like that.  Her friend hesitated a little while before taking her shot, and the lady said, “Stop being a pussy and take the shot.”  I was like wow that’s pretty direct.  She then turned to a couple of guys that were standing nearby and asked them, “Is she a pussy for babying her shot?”  The guys had the same look of disbelief as I did.  Her friend finally took the shot and the lady out of nowhere starts screaming, “Yummy yummy in my tummy!” and then says “I bet you would be yummy in my tummy too…”  My mouth dropped and her friend must have noticed my reaction because she quickly said, “Please excuse her, she gets crazy when she’s drinking.” 

Shortly afterwards she says, “Oh I would rip your clothes off” and just made all kinds of obscene sexual remarks.  At first I was taken back but after while I just decided to laugh it off because this woman apparently had no idea of what she was saying.  I think her favorite word must be “pussy” because everyone she ran into she would randomly call them a pussy whether she knew them or not.  But here is the kicker, this woman was married for 12 years! I could not believe this when her friend told me, I would be really upset if my wife of twelve years was in public acting this way.  I understand sometimes you have to let your hair down, but sometimes you need to keep a little pinned up in the back.

If you decide to go out and have a nice evening with friends, be conscious of what you say because you may offend someone unintentionally.

           These stories are real accounts, so if you plan to drink and have a good time do so responsibly. Remember to call a cab or a friend because the cost of a DWI is way more than a $20 cab ride home. Also, if you plan or happen to take someone home use protection. For two reasons, one there are many STD’s floating out there and it only takes one to ruin your life or that of others. The second reason is because a $3 condom is less expensive then 18 years of raising a child.  If you're interested in becoming a bartender or want to learn more about bartending visit ubguide.bartenderseries.com/