Wardrobe Malfunction

Everyone remembers the Super Bowl halftime show with Janet Jackson and Justin Timberlake where he rips her dress and reveals her breast.  They pawned it off as a “wardrobe malfunction,” if it was I don’t think Janet would have had her nipple covered with a silver star to match her dress.  This story involves like wardrobe malfunctions.

This story is about a bachelorette who thought it was a good idea to wear a strapless dress on her last night of fun.  It would be ok if she was just planning to have dinner, see a show, or something that didn’t involve a lot of movement.  Instead she decided to go dancing and consume large amounts of alcohol.  This is not a good combination while wearing a strapless dress (not that I know from experience).  But after I explain what happened you will agree with me too.

So after a few shots and mixed drinks she began to dance the night away with her friends.  After while her favorite song came on and she started jumping up and down.  At first she was able to manage her strapless dress while dancing, but soon after she said the hell with it and let it go for itself.  This is where the wardrobe malfunction occurs.   Since it didn’t have straps, as she jumped up and down it slipped further and further down until her breast were out.  The first time it happened one of her friends noticed it and quickly assisted her, but later on it happened again and she continued to jump up and down like nothing was wrong.  I guess she felt a cool breeze because she finally realized it and pulled her dress back up.  The funny thing is I see women all the time playing tug of war between their dress and their breast, and I always wonder why they wear those dresses if they’re so difficult to manage.  I know how aggravating it is to keep my pants up if I’m not wearing a belt so I can somewhat relate.

To the women who wear strapless dresses to go dancing, try and be more aware of the “girls” especially if you plan on consuming alcoholic beverages.  To the men, there’s no telling what you may see if you’re in a dance club and a woman is wearing a strapless dress.  Stay tuned tomorrow for part one of a three part series called “Bar Champs.”

            These stories are real accounts, so if you plan to drink and have a good time do so responsibly. Remember to call a cab or a friend because the cost of a DWI is way more than a $20 cab ride home. Also, if you plan or happen to take someone home use protection. For two reasons, one there are many STD’s floating out there and it only takes one to ruin your life or that of others. The second reason is because a $3 condom is less expensive then 18 years of raising a child.

Recipe of the Week: Scooby Snack

1 1/4 oz Cocunut Rum
3/4 oz Melon Liqueur
3/4 oz Pineapple Juice
1/2 oz Half and Half

Shake and strain ingredients.

Stay tuned on Friday for a story called "Wardrobe Malfunction."

Recipe of the Week: Royal Flush

1 oz Crown Royal
1/2 oz Peach Schnapps
1/2 oz Cranberry Juice

Shake and strain

Stay tuned on Friday for a story called "Bar Champs."

A Penny for My Thoughts

As a bartender I have to deal with many different personalities, walks of life, backgrounds, etc.  In addition there are also people who understand and respect the service industry and those who do not.  This is particularly evident based on their tipping patterns.  I must admit that before I worked in the service industry, I was one of those kids who left penny tips and left notes that said, “Tip: Give better service.”  But those are childish actions and grown people shouldn’t behave in these manners.  Such is the case in this particular story.

It was near closing time and I had started on my closing duties so I wouldn’t be there late.  I was unaware that a guest was waiting to order a beverage, once I noticed I greeted him and completed his order.  I resumed my cleaning duties and circled back around to where I just served this gentleman.  As I was doing so I noticed that he left this nice, round, brown penny as a tip.  Already being disturbed from the shift this just capped off the night.  In frustration I flung the penny across the bar (in the opposite direction of the guest) and he knew that he left some BS because he immediately turned around.  He came back angrily at the bar and asked, “Are you throwing things at me?”  I quickly replied, “No I didn’t throw your penny at you, actually I flung it over there…”

He apparently thought it was rude because he requested a manager (I thought it was rude that he actually reached in his pocket and pulled out a penny).  I explained the situation to her and she spoke with him.  I liked this manager because she didn’t really take any stuff from guest, most of the time she had the employees back.  In this particular instance she had my back because she pretty much stated that, “You can’t leave a penny and not expect a reaction, and you would have been better off leaving nothing.”  He stormed off and I continued doing my closing duties.

For those of you who think leaving pennies or change that doesn’t add up to a dollar is funny or cute, just imagine your employer writing you a check for those same pennies or change.  If you decide to do so don’t get mad at the server or bartenders reaction.

            These stories are real accounts, so if you plan to drink and have a good time do so responsibly. Remember to call a cab or a friend because the cost of a DWI is way more than a $20 cab ride home. Also, if you plan or happen to take someone home use protection. For two reasons, one there are many STD’s floating out there and it only takes one to ruin your life or that of others. The second reason is because a $3 condom is less expensive then 18 years of raising a child.

Recipe of the Week: Pancakes With Syrup

3/4 oz Jameson or Irish Whiskey
3/4 oz Butterscotch Schnapps
1 oz Orange Juice

Combine Irish Whiskey and Butterscotch Schnapps, shake and strain.  Consume shot and chase with orange juice.  Tastes just like pancakes with syrup!

Stay tuned on Friday for a story called "A Penny for My Thoughts."

One in a Million

Every once in a while I get the opportunity to serve celebrities or people who are “well off.”  I have served famous NFL players, singers, rappers, wrestlers and a few others.  I have also served a few millionaires and had no clue until they cashed out with their black card.  This story is about one of those previous mentioned people.

On this particular day a group of business people attended the establishment.   They had just closed or acquired a big account so they were out celebrating.  They started out purchasing rounds and shots and progressed to larger purchases.  One of these purchases was a round for the whole establishment (bartenders included, too bad I couldn’t drink).  They must have landed a huge account because their tab was upwards of$700.00.  The greatest part of it all wouldn’t come until later (also the reason why I was so mad).

Well the night progressed and the group continued to dance and enjoy themselves.  What would occur next has never happened in all the years I have bartended.  I have received large tips before, $100 or maybe $200 on one tab.  The owner whipped out his black card, paid for the tab, and left everyone who was working that night a $1000.00 tip! (not a typo)  I was in awe and thoroughly surprised.  Do you want to know why?  Because I was not working that night! Unbelievable, the one night I was not working this happens.  The next day I come in, and everyone is telling me this story, you can imagine my frustration (that’s like rent money in one night).  However, whenever that amount of money is involved Uncle Sam has his hand out.  They didn’t have enough money to pay everyone out, so they had to cut checks.  As a result Uncle Sam took out his share and it grossed around $600.00 or so, that’s still a nice payday if you ask me.

So if you are a millionaire and plan on visiting our establishment, make sure I’m working next time I would greatly appreciate it.  But on a serious note, if I had it like that I would share the love in the same manner just to make someone’s day or week.  Stay tuned on Monday for the "Recipe of the Week: Pancakes With Syrup."

            These stories are real accounts, so if you plan to drink and have a good time do so responsibly. Remember to call a cab or a friend because the cost of a DWI is way more than a $20 cab ride home. Also, if you plan or happen to take someone home use protection. For two reasons, one there are many STD’s floating out there and it only takes one to ruin your life or that of others. The second reason is because a $3 condom is less expensive then 18 years of raising a child.

Toys for Tots

Tis the season for giving, being thankful, and spending time with family or loved ones.  It is also the season of helping others who are in need.  This story involves a charity event catered to help the “Toys for Tots” foundation.

Along with this time of year comes the company Christmas party.  This particular night I had the pleasure of working this company party slash charity event.  A few months prior a gentleman visited the establishment to see if it was large enough to host this event.  He seemed like an average guy, down to earth, and had a good personality.  So I had no reason to suspect anything otherwise from this event.  Oh what a surprise it would turn out to be.

Well the evening for the event came and two females came early to decorate and set up for the evening as well as the DJ.  No suspicion there that was pretty normal for an event.  When the guest list started to arrive was when I started to worry or question what the event “actually” was.  A few men arrived dressed rather “loudly” (for lack of better word) and after while I questioned the other bartender who was working with me.  I asked him, “Are you noticing that there are only men here?”  He replied, “Yeah that is kind of weird, maybe the women are on the way.”  At this point the only women there were the two females that set up.  Being a heterosexual male I began to get nervous (not because I’m homophobic or anything) but because this was around the time I started bartending and had never experienced anything like this before.  Before I knew it the whole bar was filled with men.  I mean wall to wall, I couldn’t even see the door at this point.

I was busy the other bartender was busy and everything was just chaotic.  The host of the party (the gentlemen I referred to earlier), was actually homosexual and I would have never guessed it in a million years.  He seemed like any other guy, until he was around his friends and at that point it was evident.  I must admit that I made great money that night and enjoyed interacting with them, it was a different experience and broadened my horizons (in terms of learning how to interact with various people).  But the most important thing about that night, they were able to raise a good amount of money and toys to benefit those less fortunate in the community.

Christmas is the time of giving, so keep in mind those who are less fortunate than we are and donate a toy or money to your local church or “Toys for Tots” foundation.  Also, there is no point of driving up your credit card debt to purchase Christmas presents.  They will love you the same whether you buy them a gift or not (it’s the thought that counts), and if they don’t they’re probably not a person you need in your life anyway.  Stay tuned tomorrow for a story called "One in a Million."

            These stories are real accounts, so if you plan to drink and have a good time do so responsibly. Remember to call a cab or a friend because the cost of a DWI is way more than a $20 cab ride home. Also, if you plan or happen to take someone home use protection. For two reasons, one there are many STD’s floating out there and it only takes one to ruin your life or that of others. The second reason is because a $3 condom is less expensive then 18 years of raising a child.

Girl Scout Cookie

½ oz Kahlua

½ oz Peppermint schnapps

½ oz Light crème d cocoa

Splash of half and half

Shake and strain. Can be served as a shot or over ice

Stay tuned on Friday for a story called "Toys for Tots."

The Bachelor

One thing that I find interesting is groups.  Whether it’s male or female, they comprise of about the same members.  A few are good looking, decent looking, and there is always the one that doesn’t look like they belong.  I have yet to understand these phenomena, maybe this is done to make the others look good.  For whatever reason, if you observe a group of friends this will typically be the case.  As is the case with the group discussed in this story.  Interesting enough this story involves two groups, one bachelorette group and one bachelor group (sounds like the makings of a good party).

I lied, it doesn’t involve the two groups as a whole, rather two members from these groups.  The first member is strangely enough the odd ball of the bachelorette group and the other is the bachelor himself.  When these two groups are in the same establishment something is destined to happen.  Before I get into the story, I want to talk about something I don’t understand about bachelorette groups.  Can someone explain to me why these parties parade around in penis paraphernalia? (feel free to leave comments)  I have seen straws, cups, veils, writing instruments, large blow up ones, if it can be made into one it’s on the market.  I just don’t understand the correlation between the two.  Is it because their getting married to one forever, and they have to surround themselves with fake ones?  Or is it foreshadowing their sex life after marriage?  The bachelor parties don’t parade around in vagina paraphernalia, cups, hats, coasters, etc. so why do the woman?  Hopefully someone can provide an adequate answer because I have no clue.  Enough about bachelorettes and their toys, let’s get back to the story.

We’ll call the female Betty (because she favored ugly Betty) she had a geeky, slim, appearance.  We’ll call the male Jack (just because) he was tall and had an athletic build.  Somehow Betty and Jack crossed paths and began dialoging. Jack by the time of this encounter was feeling pretty good (thanks to his bachelor buddies) so he was exploring all possible options.  By night’s end Betty was heavily intoxicated and her geeky innocent look proved to be facade.  She started seductively dancing on Jack flailing her hair around and making other sexually gestures.  Before I knew it they were making out in the corner.  What Betty did next I would never expect a complete stranger to do.  In the midst of their make out session, Betty slid her hands down Jacks pants and was fondling his genetalia.  I could not believe what I was seeing, they would pause for a few minutes and go back at it shortly after.  Here Jack was an “engaged” man, making out with a complete stranger and allowing her hands down his pants.

I understand these parties typically involve strippers and “one last night of fun” but try to be responsible while doing so.  You wouldn’t want to ruin your marriage before it got started.  Stay tuned on Monday for “The Recipe of the Week: Girl Scout Cookie.”

           These stories are real accounts, so if you plan to drink and have a good time do so responsibly. Remember to call a cab or a friend because the cost of a DWI is way more than a $20 cab ride home. Also, if you plan or happen to take someone home use protection. For two reasons, one there are many STD’s floating out there and it only takes one to ruin your life or that of others. The second reason is because a $3 condom is less expensive then 18 years of raising a child.

Company Ink

One thing that I firmly believe in is not dipping my pen in company ink.  Doing so causes so many problems and greater issues if it doesn’t work out.  This story is an illustration of why I follow this general rule.

A fellow coworker failed to yield to this rule, understandably why, the female he was dating was attractive and had a nice physique.  However, as the old adage goes, everything that glitters is not gold.  This definitely applied to this female.  You would never think that she was slightly crazy, but I guess you never know until emotions get involved.

On this particular day my coworker and I were working at the same bar, this made witnessing this episode very easy.  We work long shifts and typically we eat before our shift begins so we won’t be starved out by night’s end.  My coworker ordered a burger for his lunch and “attempted” to eat it.  For whatever reason they were arguing and she was apparently pissed off based on actions.  What she did next I couldn’t believe and I don’t think my coworker could either.  His burger was near the corner of the bar, she angrily came and grabbed his burger, smashed it, and threw it away in the nearest trash can.  He was away at the time this happened, so when he came back he thought I had done something with it.  I replied, “Your girl came up and trashed it, look in the trash can and you’ll see.”  He was dumbfounded and quickly ordered another one because it was close to opening time.

He came back with his second burger and “attempted” to eat it near the corner of the bar again.  I was absolutely shocked at what his girlfriend did next.  It was funny but ridiculous at the same time.  Just as he pulled back the wrapper and was bringing it to his mouth, she appears out of nowhere and snatches it from his hands and throws it away in the same trash can.  She must have got a little mustard on her hands because she flicked the condiments at him.  So you can imagine that he was pissed, staring at the juicy meat, and smelling the fresh grilled onions just to have it snatched out his hands.  He tried to get a manager involved, but what could he do about it?  The third time is charm, he ordered another burger but this time he ate it where she could not obstruct his consumption.

This event validated standing by my “No company ink” policy.  The last thing I need is being stressed out at work then having to go home and still be stressed out.  Some people have found success with dating someone from work and all I can say is congratulations.  Personally I have witnessed more failure than I have success with dating someone from work.  Just a word of advice, stay away from dipping your pen in company ink, or letting someone dip their pen your company ink for that matter.  Stay tuned tomorrow for a story called "The Bachelor."

             These stories are real accounts, so if you plan to drink and have a good time do so responsibly. Remember to call a cab or a friend because the cost of a DWI is way more than a $20 cab ride home. Also, if you plan or happen to take someone home use protection. For two reasons, one there are many STD’s floating out there and it only takes one to ruin your life or that of others. The second reason is because a $3 condom is less expensive then 18 years of raising a child.