Saturday, December 4, 2010

The Bachelor

One thing that I find interesting is groups.  Whether it’s male or female, they comprise of about the same members.  A few are good looking, decent looking, and there is always the one that doesn’t look like they belong.  I have yet to understand these phenomena, maybe this is done to make the others look good.  For whatever reason, if you observe a group of friends this will typically be the case.  As is the case with the group discussed in this story.  Interesting enough this story involves two groups, one bachelorette group and one bachelor group (sounds like the makings of a good party).
I lied, it doesn’t involve the two groups as a whole, rather two members from these groups.  The first member is strangely enough the odd ball of the bachelorette group and the other is the bachelor himself.  When these two groups are in the same establishment something is destined to happen.  Before I get into the story, I want to talk about something I don’t understand about bachelorette groups.  Can someone explain to me why these parties parade around in penis paraphernalia? (feel free to leave comments)  I have seen straws, cups, veils, writing instruments, large blow up ones, if it can be made into one it’s on the market.  I just don’t understand the correlation between the two.  Is it because their getting married to one forever, and they have to surround themselves with fake ones?  Or is it foreshadowing their sex life after marriage?  The bachelor parties don’t parade around in vagina paraphernalia, cups, hats, coasters, etc. so why do the woman?  Hopefully someone can provide an adequate answer because I have no clue.  Enough about bachelorettes and their toys, let’s get back to the story.
We’ll call the female Betty (because she favored ugly Betty) she had a geeky, slim, appearance.  We’ll call the male Jack (just because) he was tall and had an athletic build.  Somehow Betty and Jack crossed paths and began dialoging. Jack by the time of this encounter was feeling pretty good (thanks to his bachelor buddies) so he was exploring all possible options.  By night’s end Betty was heavily intoxicated and her geeky innocent look proved to be facade.  She started seductively dancing on Jack flailing her hair around and making other sexually gestures.  Before I knew it they were making out in the corner.  What Betty did next I would never expect a complete stranger to do.  In the midst of their make out session, Betty slid her hands down Jacks pants and was fondling his genetalia.  I could not believe what I was seeing, they would pause for a few minutes and go back at it shortly after.  Here Jack was an “engaged” man, making out with a complete stranger and allowing her hands down his pants.
I understand these parties typically involve strippers and “one last night of fun” but try to be responsible while doing so.  You wouldn’t want to ruin your marriage before it got started.  Stay tuned on Monday for “The Recipe of the Week: Girl Scout Cookie.”

           These stories are real accounts, so if you plan to drink and have a good time do so responsibly. Remember to call a cab or a friend because the cost of a DWI is way more than a $20 cab ride home. Also, if you plan or happen to take someone home use protection. For two reasons, one there are many STD’s floating out there and it only takes one to ruin your life or that of others. The second reason is because a $3 condom is less expensive then 18 years of raising a child.

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