Jack Be Nimble, Jack Be Quick

This story begins as any normal shift does, popping bottles and mixing alcoholic beverages.  It was a fairly busy night and made temperature conditions pretty warm.  As a result I was drinking lots of water to stay hydrated.

At this one particular hour I had already consumed plenty of water and was in desperate need to visit the restroom.  Around the same time a crowd a people came in and I was unable to do so.  After about an hour I absolutely had to take five.  I wasn’t ready for what I was about to see next.

The instant I walked into the restroom the attendant says to me, “Check that guy out in the stall, I think he’s masturbating.”  I didn’t believe him at first, but after I handled my business I observed what he was referring to.  This had to be the funniest sight ever, this guy is in the stall feet are rocking, head was bobbing up and down, and no sounds of water resonating.  Needless to say I couldn’t believe this guy was in a public restroom doing this.  So after while we had to get this guy out of there, security came and tried to get him out and he told them, “Hold on a second I got this (No joke).”  So when that failed a member of management was summoned who had a key to the stall and was able to open the stall and force him out.  By that time he had everything put away (thank goodness) and tried to deny what he was doing.

As with the previous story (Not a Crackhead, but Crackish) if you are in need to support a habit and it shouldn’t be done in public, try and wait till you get home because it’s embarrassing when you get caught.  Stay tuned on Monday for a recipe called "Surfer on Acid."

These stories are real accounts, so if you plan to drink and have a good time do so responsibly. Remember to call a cab or a friend because the cost of a DWI is way more than a $20 cab ride home.  Also, if you plan or happen to take someone home use protection.  For two reasons, one there are many STD’s floating out there and it only takes one to ruin your life or that of others.  The second reason is because a $3 condom is less expensive then 18 years of raising a child.

Not a Crackhead, but Crackish

This story begins as any normal shift does, popping bottles and mixing alcoholic beverages.  This particular night was a little slow I believe it was a Thursday.  This made it conducive for patrons to meet, greet, and be sociable.

Two gentlemen had been there for a while drinking the special and later that night two females walked in and sat at the other end of the bar (they had “Flirty Frans” written all over them).  If you guessed these men bought the ladies a round of drinks you were right.  After purchasing the round they proceeded to introduce themselves and this is where the story truly begins.   To the women’s credit I “think” they purchased one round for themselves, the men hoping to get lucky bought the rest.  Since the bar was slow I was able to witness the courtship and buying behaviors of the men.

As the night progressed the group became more intoxicated and with drinking comes frequent visits to the restroom.  Men and women rarely go to the restroom at the same time (or leave for it rather).  So when this occurred it kind of stood out to me, two of the members left the bar and proceed towards the restroom.   I was not expecting the events that were about to happen.  The group went from four, to two, and then to one.  One of the men had just purchased a round for the group but all of a sudden none of them were there.  The female he was talking to came back and said she had to go because her friend was kicked out.  He gave me the what just happened look and was mad because he had bought all those rounds and wasn’t going to reap any benefits.  Little did he know that his friend was kicked out too.  After waiting a while for his friend to return he left to go find him and learned of the news.  He came back to bar and stated, “My friend was kicked out.”  I was puzzled as well because just like him I saw the two leave for the restroom.  So what “really” happened?

I proceeded to investigate by asking the MOD (manager on duty) why they were kicked out.  People are kicked out for various reasons, wanting to fight, overly drunk, throwing up, being rude to others, etc.  I have never heard this reason in all my years of bartending.  I guess alcohol wasn’t getting the job done fast enough for the other male so he decided to up the ante.  Instead of going into the mens restroom he was in the womens restroom.  He was attempting to do a line of cocaine with the other female.  He almost got away with but the MOD happened to visit the restroom shortly after they did.  He noticed that the male wasn’t in the restroom and proceeded to check the womens.  While doing so he looked in between the cracks of the stall and witnessed the male preparing his drugs for consumption.  He escorted the two out without calling the police (fortunate enough for them).  After learning of this I informed the other gentleman that his friend was indeed kicked out.  He asked me why and all I could tell him was that he would have to ask his friend. 

Drug use typically leads to heavier stronger drug use.  If you have the slightest problem with illegal drug use, seek help because there is plenty available and will be worth it in the long run.  Just words to the wise, if you are going to use illegal drugs in public do so in the proper restroom (although you shouldn’t use illegal drugs at all).  Stay tuned tomorrow for  "Jack be Nimble, Jack be Quick." It's similar to this story in that it occurs in a restroom as well.

These stories are real accounts, so if you plan to drink and have a good time do so responsibly. Remember to call a cab or a friend because the cost of a DWI is way more than a $20 cab ride home.  Also, if you plan or happen to take someone home use protection.  For two reasons, one there are many STD’s floating out there and it only takes one to ruin your life or that of others.  The second reason is because a $3 condom is less expensive then 18 years of raising a child.

Recipe of the Week: Johnny Vegas

3/4 oz Patron Silver
3/4 oz Watermelon Pucker
Shake and Strain
Top with a splash of Red Bull

Stay tuned on Friday for a story called "Not a Crackhead, but Crackish."

Drag Racing

It is interesting how American culture has evolved and now things are socially acceptable that were not ten to twenty years ago.  This includes homosexualality, gay marriages, public displays of affection, etc.  Another one of these socially acceptable nuances is men dressing in drag.  Rupaul revolutionized this phenomenon and now men feel comfortable doing so as well.

On this particular night a group of women (or at least what I thought was a group of women) visited the establishment for a “girls” night out.  As I greeted them one of the “women” stood out.  She was slightly taller than the others and had more of a masculine look to her.  I figured she was in drag and served the ladies as I would any other group.  One thing happened that made me laugh to myself and took me back.  I kind of knew the woman was in drag, but I wasn’t expecting what happened next.  She paid for the round of drinks, but when she opened her wallet to pay with her card the ID was visible and it was a picture of a man.  I looked back up at her and thought to myself “wow.”  I don’t have anything against men who dress in drag, but sometimes their drag looks better than their natural self.  This particular case was the opposite.  I’m sure some of you have seen the shows where they have the audience pick out the males in drag from the real females, this woman would have been easy to pick out of the lineup.

For men who dress up in drag, prepare yourself as a woman would and carry yourself in the same manner.  Although this does pose a problem for men when you can’t really tell, with that being said be honest and tell the man if are approached the truth.  Stay tuned on Monday for a recipe called “Johnny Vegas.”

These stories are real accounts, so if you plan to drink and have a good time do so responsibly. Remember to call a cab or a friend because the cost of a DWI is way more than a $20 cab ride home.  Also, if you plan or happen to take someone home use protection.  For two reasons, one there are many STD’s floating out there and it only takes one to ruin your life or that of others.  The second reason is because a $3 condom is less expensive then 18 years of raising a child.

I"m a Survivor

One thing that I enjoy about my job is meeting new people.  Over the years I’ve met celebrity singers, rappers, NFL players, millionaires, retired wrestlers, young people, old people, and just people from all different walks of life.

On this particular day I met a couple from out of town who were visiting to get away for the weekend and attend a concert.  They had teenage children and were recently married.  We’ll call them Jack and Jill.  They stopped by our establishment for some pre-gaming before the concert.  Jack had domestic beers while Jill had a glass of wine.  She allowed Jack to drink more because she had to drive to the concert.  This couple was interesting for a few different reasons.  While engaging in conversation I learned a lot about them.  For instance, Jack loved the band they were going to see while Jill had never heard of them (I had never heard of them either).  The one thing that stuck with me about this couple was that Jill was a cancer survivor (I won’t disclose what kind in respect of her privacy).  After hearing this I gave her a big high five and congratulations.  It also touched me because a lot of my family members have passed due to cancer and she was able to overcome it.  So in honor of all cancer survivors I salute and commend you on winning your battle against cancer.

Since I had built somewhat of a bond with this couple, they decided to come back after the concert.  Jill loved the concert although she had never heard of them and now they have a new fan.  I took care of them until they departed and wished the couple a safe trip back home.

Some people are given second chances at life and others are not as fortunate.  With this in mind you should live your life to the fullest everyday because tomorrow is not promised to any of us.  Don’t hold grudges and forgive those who have done harm to you and ask for forgiveness from those you have done harm to.  Stay tuned tomorrow for a story called "Drag Racing."

These stories are real accounts, so if you plan to drink and have a good time do so responsibly. Remember to call a cab or a friend because the cost of a DWI is way more than a $20 cab ride home.  Also, if you plan or happen to take someone home use protection.  For two reasons, one there are many STD’s floating out there and it only takes one to ruin your life or that of others.  The second reason is because a $3 condom is less expensive then 18 years of raising a child.

Recipe of the Week: Werthers Original

3/4 oz Crown Royal
3/4 oz Butterscotch Schnapps

Shake and strain

A Late Night Trip to Hawaii

This story begins as any normal shift does, popping bottles and mixing alcoholic beverages.  Except this one involves an estranged cruise worker from Hawaii.  She was a Caucasian female, but what made her stand out from the crowd were her thick blonde Rasta dreadlocks.   She must have been drinking from the time she stepped off the boat because she was fairly tipsy by the time I served her.

Business was kind of slow which made engaging in conversation with her more possible.  I knew she was going to be a hand full from how she initially came off.  After a few more drinks she stated, “I want to take you home, and you should come with me now.”  I replied, “I’m working I can’t just leave to go with you.” Hoping this would deter her advances, little did I know that this would make things worse.  As the night progressed she continued her advances and I continued to decline.  I thought I caught a break when I saw her leave, is that saying ever true when they say that it’s a small world.

As I stated before that it was a slow night, so this lead to me getting off early.  I wanted to consume an adult beverage, but decided to visit another establishment in the event she circled back around.  This plan backfired rather quickly because something happened that was unexpected.  As I sat drinking my beverage I felt a tap on my shoulder and guess who it was?  Yes, good ol’ Hawaii.  I didn’t notice she was there because it was rather crowded and I just assumed that I was safe.  Boy was I ever wrong.  I no longer had the bar protecting me from her or a way to find an excuse not to talk to her.  She eventually went off into the crowd and I hung out until the bar closed.

I should have left early to avoid all possible episodes from occurring.  But as a result of staying I ran into her again outside of the establishment.  This time she was very forceful in getting me to take her home.  I had consumed a few beverages which clouded my better judgment (for the moment anyway).  So I obliged to her request and proceeded to my vehicle.  She was sloppy drunk by this time (which is a major turn off for me) and I proceeded to leave the area.  I’ve heard horror stories of women crying rape after being intoxicated and waking up in a strangers bed.  So being aware of this I asked her plainly, “Are you sure you want to do this?” She replied, “Absolutely, I’m sure.”  I should have recorded her saying that just to cover my assets.  I really didn’t feel comfortable with this situation, I had already gone too far by letting her into my vehicle, now I’m responsible for this drunk chick (who I didn’t even know her name).  Finally coming to my right mind, I decided to take her home, make sure she got in safe and departed to my own dwelling. 

This situation could have gone a few different ways, but I’m glad I made the better judgment and not subdue myself to her advances.  Stay tuned for Mondays recipe of the week, "Werthers Original."

These stories are real accounts, so if you plan to drink and have a good time do so responsibly. Remember to call a cab or a friend because the cost of a DWI is way more than a $20 cab ride home.  Also, if you plan or happen to take someone home use protection.  For two reasons, one there are many STD’s floating out there and it only takes one to ruin your life or that of others.  The second reason is because a $3 condom is less expensive then 18 years of raising a child.

Multiple Faces in the Same Places

Another thing that I find interesting is witnessing people that are “playing the field.”  It’s funny and interesting at the same time.  It’s funny because just last week I saw this male/female with one person and now it’s someone completely different.  It’s interesting because I’m put in a position to act is if I never saw anything and greet them the same way I did the other companion the previous week.  This one guy who was a regular (I’m not exaggerating) brought in a different female every week and sometimes two different ones in the same week.  When he finally came by himself I had to ask him what his secret was.  He shared that he was a member of a dating website (must’ve been match.com…inside joke).

 I know, I know, women reading are like, “typical male” however I have witnessed females who are just as bad.  Just recently, I witnessed a female who met a guy at the bar from a dating website, I heard through the grapevine that he wasn’t interested in her so I guess it didn’t work out.  Because she was back there the NEXT night with some other guy.  I was like damn that dating website must be pretty popular.  One thing that is worst than witnessing someone with different companions is witnessing the behavior of someone on Saturday night, and then seeing that same person in church Sunday morning (I guess they have to repent).

Ok so now the moment you’ve been waiting for, what’s the rest of the Asian Persuasion story?  As I’ve discussed seeing people with different companions, guess who was one the guilty parties?  If you guessed Mary you’re absolutely wrong!  It was one of the male friends that she was making out with.  I distinctly remember him because he was an older gentleman with the signature golf bunker hair cut (you know the one where it’s bald on top with hair going around the sides).  Also because I remember asking myself how is she remotely attracted to him? (For those reading one of my stories for the first time, go back and read “Asian Persuasion” and you’ll understand)  Anyway, he was back again with a different female whom looked nothing like Mary.  So at this point I couldn’t decide who was worse, the friend or Mary?  Those who have read both stories, what do you think?  You can leave your response in the comment box.

If you plan to date multiple people remember two things, one take them to different establishments because you never know when the bartender or whomever may slip and call the person a different name.  Two, dating multiple people can become expensive, so take them somewhere inexpensive on the first date so you won’t be mad if it doesn’t work out (try a coffee date).  Stay tuned tommorrow for a story called "A Late Night Trip to Hawaii."

These stories are real accounts, so remember to call a cab or a friend because the cost of a DWI is way more than a $20 cab ride home.  Also, if you plan or happen to take someone home use protection.  For two reasons, one there are many STD’s floating out there and it only takes one to ruin your life or that of others.  The second reason is because a $3 condom is less expensive then 18 years of raising a child.

Recipe of the Week: Applesauce

3/4 oz Goldschlager/Cinnamon Schnapps
1 oz Sour Apple Pucker
Splash of pineapple

Shake and strain

Stay tuned on Friday for a story called "Multiple Faces in Different Places" and the continuation of "Asian Persuasion."

Asian Persuasion

One thing I will admit is that I am a sucker for a beautiful Asian woman.  So when a fairly attractive Asian female visited the bar I made it my business to serve her.  My view of her drastically changed by night’s end.

We’ll call this Asian woman Mary, she visited the bar with three other people, two males and another female.  They all ordered the special, whatever it was for that night and enjoyed themselves as the evening progressed.  As I have discussed before, it is interesting to watch people’s transformation as they consume alcohol.  For the sake of this story Mary wasn’t any different.  She started off dancing by herself, swaying to the ginger tunes of various songs.  She then progressed to dancing with one of the male friends rather seductively.  I guess the other friend felt left out because after while he joined the fun and created a Mary sandwich (no mayonnaise...yet). 

Seductive dancing wasn’t enough for Mary because she progressed to kissing one of the male friends.  Once again the other male friend felt left out and so Mary kissed him as well.  These three must felt the alcohol would kill the germs because after while the kissing became more intense and Mary was flipping back and forth between the two guys.  At this point the once beautiful Asian woman became the beautiful slut (in my eyes at least, you know what they say about first impressions).  Oh but the story gets better.  Do you remember the other female friend I mentioned before?  Let’s just say as the night continued I believe she began to feel left out too.  After the saliva exchange occurred between the two male friends and Mary, the female friend was orally assaulted by Mary as well.  By night’s end everyone had kissed everyone and they all departed together.  God only knows (and the four friends) what happened after that (but we all can imagine).

There’s more to the story, you’ll have to wait until I share a story called “Multiple Faces in the Same Places.”  It is amazing what alcohol will do to people and I hate to sound cliché-ish but “drink responsibly” and understand that when you’re out in public someone is always watching.  Stay tuned on Monday for the Recipe of the Week: Applesauce.

These stories are real accounts, so remember to call a cab or a friend because the cost of a DWI is way more than a $20 cab ride home.  Also, if you plan or happen to take someone home use protection.  For two reasons, one there are many STD’s floating out there and it only takes one to ruin your life or that of others.  The second reason is because a $3 condom is less expensive then 18 years of raising a child.

Buttery Nipples

This story begins as any normal shift does, popping bottles and mixing alcoholic beverages.  Except this one involves four women out looking to have fun and enjoy a good night out with the girls.  This group is made up of your typical female group, one really hot, one cute, one ok, and one to make the other three look good.  They started off with beers and cocktails, but as the night progressed they graduated to shots.  This is where the fun began.

The shot of choice for these four women was buttery nipples.  Each of them bought a round so you can imagine by the third round things started to get interesting.  I’m not sure where the idea came from, but one of the women decided it would be a good idea to flash their nipples to go along with the buttery nipples.  The first time they did it I was shocked and ended up over pouring (they were nice looking I must admit).  However, only three out of four participated (you can guess which one didn’t).  I’ll never forget them because every time they pulled down their shirt they said, “Buttery nipples ha ha.”  The second time they did it was near the sink where the bar back was washing dishes, he heard their famous line and looked up only to get a face full of breast.  He had a shocked look on his face and continued washing dishes as if nothing happened.  Once again only three out of four participated.  I guess peer pressure and alcohol started to set in because on the last round, the shy one of the bunch finally participated (well partially).  While the other three showed both full out, the shy one showed one partially sort of (if that makes sense).  In her moment, she happily screamed, “I did it, I showed him,” as if she had just accomplished a lifelong goal.  The intoxicated bunch departed and my night ended on a good note after witnessing this fiasco.

These women weren’t looking to get anything free, they were just out to have a good time.  As a result, my night went smooth and was very entertaining.  Stay tuned tomorrow for a story called “Asian Persuasion.”

These stories are real accounts, so if you plan to drink and have a good time do so responsibly. Remember to call a cab or a friend because the cost of a DWI is way more than a $20 cab ride home.  Also, if you plan or happen to take someone home use protection.  For two reasons, one there are many STD’s floating out there and it only takes one to ruin your life or that of others.  The second reason is because a $3 condom is less expensive then 18 years of raising a child.

Recipe of The Week: Oatmeal Cookie

1/2 oz Goldschlager/Cinnamon Schnapps
3/4 oz Baileys/Cream Liqueur
3/4 oz Butterscotch Snapps

Shake with ice and strain

Stay tuned for Friday when a story called "Buttery Nipples" will be posted.

The Proper Way to Order a Mixed Drink

I can’t begin to explain how crazy people sound when they order their drink wrong.  So I decided to educate those who order improperly and provide some insight as well.  The first thing I should mention is to know what you would like before you approach the bar.  If the bartender is busy it slows them down waiting for you to decide.  To expedite the process and to receive your beverage in a timely manner you should decide what you want before you order.  This allows the bartender to provide you with fast service and prevents others behind you from waiting longer.  The second thing I would like to mention is order all of your beverages at once.  I understand that you may think we are incapable of memorizing multiple drinks (some people are) but most of us are able to.  If we are able to remember hundreds of recipes and recall them within seconds I think we can handle a multiple drink order.  It’s so aggravating and slows us down when people order one drink, we make it, order another drink, we make it, and so on.

Ok, so now that we have the ground rules set lets discuss the proper way to order after step one is complete.  The proper way to order a mixed beverage is you state the alcohol then the mixer.  For example, vodka cranberry (for those more experienced vodka cran).  When you order the opposite way, cranberry vodka, we are still listening for the mixer, this sounds like you want cranberry flavored vodka.  I can’t begin to explain how many times people order pineapple vodka, and I say “We don’t have pineapple vodka, we have orange, raspberry, blueberry, etc.” and they give me a funny look as if I ordered the drink wrong.  So let’s recap, step one is to know what you would like to order before approaching the bartender, step two is order your drinks with the liquor first and then the mixer, step three is to order all your drinks at once, and step four is pay for your beverages and be sure to tip the bartender.

This is the correct way to order your mixed beverages and following these steps will make everyone happy including yourself, the bartender, as well as other guest waiting to order.  On a side note just because a local bartender makes up a shot doesn’t mean every bar you attend is going to know the recipe.

Starting Monday (10/4/2010) I will be posting weekly recipes.  In addition, new stories will be posted every Friday and Saturday.  Stay tuned next week for a story called “Buttery Nipples.”  Feel free to leave comments or ask questions.

These stories are real accounts, so if you plan to drink and have a good time do so responsibly. Remember to call a cab or a friend because the cost of a DWI is way more than a $20 cab ride home.  Also, if you plan or happen to take someone home use protection.  For two reasons, one there are many STD’s floating out there and it only takes one to ruin your life or that of others.  The second reason is because a $3 condom is less expensive then 18 years of raising a child.

Light a Match.com

             One of the interesting things about being a bartender is that you meet different kinds of people from different walks of life.  I’ve meet professional sports players, music artist, and probably millionaires that I’ve never heard of.  But on this particular night I met a female who was having a night out with a female friend, well, sort of.  She was actually at the bar to meet a member of the staff.  They had never met before and actually met on a dating website called Match.com.  I’m not sure whether she was a victim of profile picture not matching the “real” picture, or if she just was not interested after conversating.  But she became disinterested in the guy she came to meet and began searching for other viable options.  The bar was fairly empty, it was a slow night, so by default guess who became the viable option.  Unfortunately it ended up being me, having talked to this woman for hours I pretty much knew her life story and wasn’t interested in getting to know her on a personal level.  She began asking me personal questions and having replied with total neglect she still decided to give me her number.  Being the nice person that I am, I held on to it until her departure and disposed of it in its proper place.  I threw it away and have been fortunate to not cross paths with her again.  I guess she found a better match on the dating website, I wish her the best and anyone looking for love on a dating website.

             These stories are real accounts, so if you plan to drink and have a good time do so responsibly. Remember to call a cab or a friend because the cost of a DWI is way more than a $20 cab ride home.  Also, if you plan or happen to take someone home use protection.  For two reasons, one there are many STD’s floating out there and it only takes one to ruin your life or that of others.  The second reason is because a $3 condom is less expensive then 18 years of raising a child.